D Watched ‘Doll House’

Finally, I decided to watch my ex’s movie Doll House on Netflix, a movie directed by Marla Ancheta (Ikaw, Finding Agnes) I remember him telling me about it previously, when they were still working on it and he was asked to do it. There will be spoilers for anyone who haven’t seen the film. Anyway, prior to filming, he said he would be playing a “rock star” in the movie. Wow, his dream of being a rock star is finally coming true, I told him. People have said that the film reflects his life, which is both true and untrue. He’s not a drug addict, and hasn’t used drugs in a long time (as far as I know), but he is an alcoholic. Seeing him consume multiple cans and bottles of beer in the film reminded me of the times I had to clear his room of bottles, cans, and cigarette butts. It’s no longer triggering because I haven’t been doing that for several years. 

Going back to the movie, it must have been really cold in the Netherlands since I can tell from his expression, he hates the cold. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen Althea Ruedas; the first time I saw her was in Instant Daddy, which made me a whole mess because of Jerald Napoles’ acting and the plot. I like this kid; I’d like to see her grow up and get equally good roles like what she’s getting now. But, perhaps, in the future, she won’t have to play roles alongside men who have a lot of baggage. Eventually, I guess, I hope. Phi Palmos I know since I saw him in Rak of Aegis, he’s an exceptional talent that’s why he was easily my favorite in the movie. Following the death of his buddy due to an overdose, my ex’s character, experienced an existential crisis. This was triggered by a conversation they had the night before, in which the friend and bandmate, portrayed by Alwyn Uytingco, expressed readiness to die, citing reasons such as having a family, being part of a band, and having accomplished all his desired life goals. He further stated that individuals who fear death are those who lack inner peace. My ex’s character eventually made up his mind to travel to the Netherlands in search of his loved ones: his fiancé that he had abandoned in pursuit of his ambition to be a rock star and that he exchanged for his vices and their child. The fact that an apartment in the Netherlands is still waiting for him makes him seem quite rich, he’s a son of a general in the movie, played by Ricardo Cepeda. I mean, I’m just making assumptions here—the apartment may have been his or it could have been an AirBnB—but I really don’t know. It took him a relatively short amount of time to locate his child and Bok, Phi’s character, who is the uncle of his child. Unfortunately, he discovered that his ex-fiancé died in a car accident alongside her husband, and now his ex-fiancé’s sister has assumed the legal responsibilities of his daughter.  

My ex’s character befriended Bok and his kid without telling them who he really was. Bok even had a crush on him, who wouldn’t, my ex looked good in the movie. Anyway, he was getting close to his child when eventually he got outed accidentally by the sister of his ex-fiancé that he’s indeed the biological father of the kid. Commercial, before I forget, I just want to talk about the location of this movie. The filming location was quite pleasing. There was a scene in which they were enjoying themselves by a lake with ducks. It was clearly autumn, as evidenced by the presence of leaves scattered across the ground. From a cinematic standpoint, it was a very impressive sight. Okay, so cut to he kind of kidnapped his daughter, they stayed in a hotel where he still drank alcohol. I smirked since it was such a familiar sight. His daughter was set to attend a talent show the next day, but my ex’s character was inebriated. I can’t count the number of times I had to force him to get up because I knew he had a meeting, a shoot, or a photo shoot but it was so difficult because he has been drunk the night before. However, in the film, it only required her daughter to nudge him awake and remind him about the audition before he bolted from the couch and ran to his daughter’s school. I wish it had been that simple to wake him up back then. They were able to attend the audition. The child sang, although she was off pitch, yet in the eyes of my ex’s character, her singing was wonderful. I should be crying at this point, but no tears, ma. He hugged his daughter for the last time before being dropped off at his house by Bok and Bok’s sister. He drank himself to death, as expected…but he didn’t die. When I was still with him, I feared he’d drank himself to death at times, and when he’d fall asleep, I’d wait for him to snore just to know he was still alive. In the movie, he was transported to the hospital because…I have no idea why. The next scene showed him with a tube in his mouth, attached to a machine, and his daughter trying to wake him up, even singing to him. At this scene, I almost cried….almost, but still no. I recall instances when I would respond to calls coming from his phone number, fearing that it would be someone else informing me of his involvement in an accident and confinement. As a result, I would promptly answer my phone regardless of the time. However, I ultimately grew tired of receiving late-night phone calls just from him, in a drunken state, seeking someone to bother.

At this point, the daughter, who had clearly reached adulthood, was narrating the scenes. She was later informed that the person she considered her best friend was actually her biological father. And that he returned to the Philippines, entered rehab, and then relapsed. Yes, I’ve been there. I interviewed him for the magazine I used to be part of the first time that we met, thinking he was already sober, but when I arrived at the place of our interview, there were already bottles of beer on the table that he had finished. So, yes, I have been there. Next scene, his daughter was grown and he was in a home, on a wheelchair, he had a stroke and failed to recall her daughter when she tried to introduce herself as his best friend. She stayed with him, fed him, and when it was time for her to leave, she accompanied him to his room, which, much to her astonishment was filled with doll houses. You see, while he was in the Netherlands, he made a doll house. His daughter asked for it but he stated that it was really intended for her and that he’ll give it to her when he’s done constructing it, but unfortunately, he was unable to give to her. So, when she saw a room full of doll houses, she became quite emotional. My ex’s character stated that he created all of the doll houses for his best friend, and when she inquired as to who that best friend was, he couldn’t recall her name, but all he recalls is that her singing was off pitch. Then that was the end of the film.

The film was both heartwarming and heartbreaking to watch. Heartwarming because it was a narrative about a father’s love for his daughter, sad because it reminded me of someone’s love but being unable to put up his vices for you, vices that he plainly loved more than you. I tried to figure out the reason for my inability to shed tears, as most of my friends and acquaintances were deeply moved by the film and left them balling. My ex’s performance was good; I had no question that he gave his all for this film, but perhaps that’s it. I already know him so well that seeing him on the screen would make it impossible for me to separate who he is from who he wants to be in another character. I’m probably as you can say desensitized with everything about him. I knew him since 2011. In Doll House, he played someone who was addicted to a vice, stubborn, and everything else I used to see while we were together. I’m not sure why it took me so long to watch this movie; perhaps I was afraid that seeing him would create a sadness in me that would be difficult to shake, but I’m glad it didn’t. I was able to finish the movie and write this recap without having resentment for my ex, whom I’ve long forgiven and wished for a better life.